Part 1: A Modest Proposal Arguing For A YouTube Genocide...

Well much the the disappointment of everyone - I'm sure, I've opted to place my "Heartfelt & Meaningful, Discussions With Siri" on the back burner since I cannot seem to figure out how in the hell to take screenshots of Siri's responses with multiple lines.  Every website I've seen shows that Siri's not a one-liner, but for me, that's all she's worth.  So apologies to all of you three people that were expecting to see what happens between Siri and I behind closed doors, or in my car, or where ever I might feel it okay to bark orders at a cellphone.  As I said before I have to place that on the back burner.  Speaking of stoves, ovens, or other things that are capable of burning things, on to the newest thing on my mind - it's a burning question really:

Should there be a YouTube Genocide?

Now I know that the word 'Genocide' carries some baggage with it; and unless used in strictly historical context, it's a term that must be exercised with the utmost discretion unless you're in trusted company that has a sense of dark humor on a level equivalent to yours, or if said company just knows that you are the type of person to say that.  But really it's the only word that describes my feelings as to the pollution that now lurks on YouTube.  Nine times out of Ten, when I search for something on YouTube I end up with either irrelevant garbage, or a video whose title is spot on but it's just a video montage or slideshow with some shitty music dubbed over it.  Music that I don't want to hear anyway, in an any situation.  I blame part of this on the now owner of YouTube - Google, Inc.

One thing you should know is that I'm very pro-business, except when it comes to these internet companies that I hear of providing a semi-competent service that gets bought for hundreds of millions of dollars just so some greater internet entity can then pervert the originally semi-competent service into an almost-sort-of-occasionally-competent service that now funnels ads directly into my eyeballs like those horrific videos driven into Malcolm McDowell's head in the film "A Clockwork Orange" - run-on sentence?  YES.  I just can't wait for all the Instagram use to plummet now that it's been bought out by the Man, and Hipsters turn the cold shoulder on it so as to shun it's new mainstream identity.  What I'm getting at with this rant about the internet business strategy of 'Conquer and Devour' seems to always have the ending outcome of the victor driving their hand Mortal Kombat style into the brain stems of their vanquished foes only to convert them in to ventriloquist puppets telling everyone to 'buy Tide!' or, switch to AT&T!, or 'Clog Your Arteries with KFC During the SuperBowl!'  The point of this whole diversion is that YouTube is clogged to the point where unless you know of the exact title of the video that you think exists, you'll end up with a video listing that spans probably 5 years of shitty content with titles that only have one word related to your search, but all the advertisements are fucking spot on.  Sigh - I'll stop now and get back to my point.

My point is that while the internet is the penultimate (first use of that word EVER!) of human knowledge, thoughts, and ultimately a barometer of our collective consciousness, it seems to be turning more and more into a wasteland of vacant thoughts where everyone shares everything that even becomes a thought in their head.  Could you imaging for a second if The Internet got to such a depraved point where people could upload pictures of their own bowel movements for others to observe and the place ratings on??  Oh, wait - we're already there:  RateMyPoo.com

It's not just YouTube, it's the whole Internet, but YouTube is a prime example for what I'm getting at.  Have you ever woken up in the morning only to scratch your head in absolute perplexity about the dreams you had during the night?  I do, and it feels the same way as when I try to do either a Google search or a YouTube search.  Let's explore...  I already regret this.

As you may know, I like guns and I enjoy The Second Amendment, so let's try a search about something, shall we?  Hmm, among things on my wish list is to get my lil' mitts on a Remington 700 Sniper Rifle, because let's face it - if Zombies only die from head shots, what better way to deliver the pain from afar?  Here goes:



Now this is a very specific search, I know the Make, Model, and Modifications that I'm looking for.  Let's see what I get:

 
Now if I were to give each of these links the ol' Spanish Inquisition with a fine toothed comb, I might find a few items irrelevance, those are mainly in blogs and message boards, but they at least contain somewhere within a story about what I was looking for. A search engine shines when you tell it exactly what you're seeking among it's endless shelves of content, but the greatest Sin of Search is when people improperly tag content.  Let's try that same subject search, but this time from an image perspective.

My God... page after beautiful page of long range firepower; for those of you who appreciate things of this nature I'll attach the link so you can enjoy a lineup of rifles so awesome they could change a government: Remington 700's Lot's of them.

Now that was pretty basic, I gave a specific name and model and I got just what I wanted; but more often than not we don't know the exact title of the content for which we search, in these moments we find gibberish, in these moments we find other things:

Here's the Image Search question:

And here's what I got:

Here is where the precision begins to unravel, I asked for Remington and I got everything from the Man, knives, shavers, rifles, shotguns, handguns, ammunition, and people using Remington products.  I essentially got what I asked for, but I asked for a specific thing, Remington is a brand focused on a certain number of things, so it's obvious that I'm not going to get a full load of shit; but let's take this to YouTube and see what happens...

Now this is a desperate attempt at letting you see what I see, but the suggestions and recommendations are absurd.  Here's the link: YouTube Results

I feel like I'm losing some of you all now so I'll add this case and point article:
8 Least Necessary YouTube Tributes

This is a critique of the shit that's on YouTube in case you thought otherwise; now I understand that the value of content can only be determined by the audience for which it was made, but tribute YouTube videos are as offensive to me on a level equivalent to you seeing me go into a video store and take all the copies "Schindler's List" and put them in the comedy section.  Also, what's with those 'Still Shot with Muzac' videos that people put on YouTube, What The Fuck?  PEOPLE!!  It's a video sharing sight!  Not a PowerPoint Slideshow Sharing Sight!  Christ on Crutches what the Hell?!  The State of the Internet is becoming closer and closer to a digital embodiment of Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" than anyone ever thought, because there's no barrier to entry.  I suppose the term 'viral' is appropriate because the effects of Rebecca Black's "Friday" or that Korean Guy's "Gangnam Style" are just that.  I shouldn't be surprised though, being a Gen X child of the '80's I regularly watched America's Funniest Home Videos with Bob Saget.  I'm not criticizing Mr. Saget, but I'm condemning his audiences.  Those of you that know what I'm speaking of can hopefully recall something equivalent to the rage I felt every Sunday evening when a shitty video about a baby or a toddler doing something cute would devastate a video about a guy juggling six flaming bottles of Bacardi 151 on a skateboard only to fuck up and drop three and the subsequent fire results in the torching of a homeless shelter full of hippies on trust funds.  

Let's actually get to the shit on YouTube that I'm complaining about shall we?  My issue with the useless shit on YouTube is that I'm pretty sure that the people posting their works probably opted to have every single word in their video marked so that a search engine will catch it and display it in your search results.  At the same time I hate all those content contributors for their shitty submissions that both 1) waste space on the internet; 2) gain views because people accidentally clicked on them; 3) became popular because of accidental clicks and then turned into... 4) shitty videos that turn up in my Facebook feed.

Let's see what I get from a search on "Dexter":
I did a YouTube search on Dexter and got a bunch of clips in no particular order, amongst them are a few clips of video interviews with Jennifer Carpenter who plays Dexter's sister on the show.  I'll post that because I think that's gonna be the only role she can ever do, I can delve more into how I want my actors but I think I need to stick to the point on this, here's the search results on Dexter:

And just for fun I'm adding the Jennifer carpenter interview that show's she's the same in real life...
Jennifer Carpenter = Deb Morgan. ALWAYS

This is a really hard blog post to write by the way...  I thought I was gonna rail through some shitty YouTube posts but that was hours ago....  I suppose it's because of my desire to have people know what I'm talking about by writing my thoughts. 

That said I'm using the remainder of my Sunday so as to serve my own purposes.  A sequel will follow. but know this:

I am a proponent of a YouTube Content Cleanse with Extreme Prejudice.

Now go log some frags Nerds!